Open Adoption

One of my bloggy buddies asked me what my opinion was on Open Adoption.


Open adoption is basically where you adopt a child but also allow the birth parent(s) to have some form of contact with the child. The adoptive parents still have 100% rights to the child.



When we first began our adoption journey I was 100% against any form of contact with birth parents. While I would have claimed to not have selfish motives about it, that's exactly what they were.


I didn't want to have anyone else competing for my child's affections.


After God lead us to adopt from foster care, we knew the odds of the birth parents knowing who we were were pretty high. We'd be doing parental visits at DFCS until the child was free for adoption, we would be trying to encourage a case plan.

So we decided we would just limit contact after the adoption was final.

And then God brought Josie to us.

Not only was she 100% free for adoption, her birth mother had abandoned her at the hospital and due to some mental issues, didn't even know she exsisted.


With Josie's adoption, openess with birth parents was never an issue. But since then, we have come to know quite a few mothers who have either had their children removed by DFCS or have place thier children for adoption to give them a better life.

And when you put yourself in thier shoes, there are cases where you know that the birth parent loves the child, but wanted something more for them.

The comment asking my opinion really got me thinking about it and this is my personal feeling on the issue.

When you adopt a child, they are yours.

You are responsible for their well being, their safety, their health.

While I do think there are situations where it could be beneficial to the child to know their "blood", there are also situation where it would be detrimental to their growth and peace of mind.

I personally think it would be irresponsible to enter into a contract gaurenteeing that you would always let a birth parent be involved in the child's life. Your first concern should not be for the birth parents feelings, but for your childs.


Andrew and I had decided that, had there been birth parents, we would not have allowed actual contact with the child until the child was old enough to decide for themselves if they wanted to know that person.

We are, and plan to always be, very open with Josie about her adoption. There are parts of her birth mothers story that we will not share until Josie is an adult, but the fact that God hand picked her to be in our family is something she will always be aware of.

So I guess my opinion boils down to, it should be your choice. Every year. Every season. Every day.

If you are comfortable with it today, but learn facts that change your mind next month, it is your choice to continue or discontinue contact.

Just know that when you adopt a child, YOU are the parent.

It's your choice.

I know that was kind of flippy floppy, but that is just how I feel about it!

Expression

"It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child."

~ Pablo Picasso

Wiiiiii!!!

Oh yes, I'm that lame.

Would you believe that Andrew and I had never played a Wii before Saturday night?

The Glovers felt pity on us for being so sheltered and invited us over for dinner and some gaming.

Which thrilled Josie to no end.

Everett was Josie's first friend and they haven't seen much of eachother this past year. They had a great time catching up over Playdoh.

While we made complete fools of ourselves on the Wii.

Andrew has a much better gamer face then I do.

Ah well.

My ridiculous faces must have distracted Tiffany cause I ended up winning at bowling.

Which never happens in real life so I was pleased!

Even little bit got in on the games.

She wanted to be a cat but didn't quite understand what the heck she was doing!

Cash on the other hand?

The kids a natural!

Missing Ministry

Ever since God placed adoption on our hearts, Andrew and I knew we wanted to make foster care our ministry.

I wanted to advocate for the kids, dispell the myths of the system, and spread the word of the vast need.

Everything about Josie's adoption reinforced that God's hand was in adoption.

And then DFCS quit calling.

We seriously haven't had any calls for children in well over 6 months.


I've been tempted to change my blog header since we aren't exactly "journeying through life as a foster family" right now.

It's hard to advocate for something that we aren't actively involved in.

I was starting to question if maybe we were done fostering and adopting.

Maybe Josie would be our only child.

We still aren't sure if God will lead us to adopt again, but he has given us a fresh opportunity that we are really excited about.

Starting at the end of Janurary, Andrew and I are linking up with Faith Hope Adoption to teach a class all about all types of adoption.

This class is the exact one that Andrew and I attended right before we decided to adopt. In fact, it was this class that calmed my nerves enough to even think about adoption.

We are finishing up the training hours now and can't wait to start our first class!

If you live in the area and have ever considered adoption but aren't sure where to start or what the risks really are, come join us!

Our first class will be in Peachtree City. I'll have the location soon and will let you know.

Please email me if you'd like to come!

And please pray for us. I'm not a fan of public speaking, but I am a fan of adoption so I'm sucking it up and going for it!

Just Like Grandpa

Josie's Grandpa and Grandma came up from Florida to spend a couple days with us.

I love, love, love having my family here.

And so does Josie!

My Dad is an amazing artist and it seems like Josie is going to take after him.

They spent the entire two days painting and drawing!

And the arting got even more intense when Josie opened her Christmas gift!

Gator clothing is only allowed when Grandpa and Grandma are visiting!

Thank you guys for the perfect gift for our budding artist!

Adios 2009

I wish I could say I am sad to see you go, but alas, I am not.

This year was overall pretty stinky.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what role I played in the down parts of this year and how I can make 2010 better.

And after reading this post I've decided that a theme word for 2010 would help keep me focused on what I want for the new year.

In 2009, I was a bad friend.

I didn't call when I knew friends were having a hard time. I left people out. I trash talked and gossiped and was not kind.

I did not follow God's prompting.

I can recall numerous times that I felt God asking me to go out of my way for others, to write or call certain people just to say hello.

And I didn't.

There were times I was an absent mother.

I neglected to play when she asked. I told her, "just a second, Mommy's busy," when what I was doing was of zero importance. I raised my voice, I scolded, and I missed teaching opportunities.

I had moments that I chose to not support Andrew.

We all know he had a rough year, and while I tell myself I did my best to support him, there were times I did not. My role as his wife calls me to support and encourage, to lift him up when he needs it. And I got lazy about it.

So when I was thinking about what my word for 2010 needs to be I knew it had to be something that would remind me to put others first, to use encouraging words, and to put first things first.

My word:

PRIORITIZE

In 2010, I will turn off technology, let the dishes wait. I will rock my baby and hold my husband. I will pray for friends and then be God's hands in any way I can. I will purposefully go out of my way to encourage, lift up.
It will take work, but I'm determined to be the best me I can be in 2010.

Finances will rise and fall. Temper tantrums will be had and lessons will be learned.
I can't change the weather and I can't control what other people say and do.

But I can control how I react. The words I use. What I use my time for.

So Adios 2009, Hello 2010!

The Best Is Yet To Come.

New Years At Noon!

A couple months ago I found out about a place called Linda's Playhouse. It's an old house, about 30 minutes from our house, that a lady turned into a children's musseum.

We loved the Imagine-It in Atlanta, but it honestly overwhelmed Josie everytime we went.

So I thought Linda's Playhouse would be perfect.

When I found out they were doing a "New Years At Noon" party on New Years Eve I thought it would be perfect. Not only was there no way Josie was going to make it to midnight to ring in the new year, the only way I'm ever up that late is if I drink too much water and have to go potty in the middle of the night.

Tiffany came with me and we had a blast!

I had to laugh that my kid wanted to spend most our time playing with the one thing we have at our house, the grocery store set up!

How sweet is Sissy?!?!

After I coaxed Josie away from the scanner, we hit up the dress up area.

And ended up in the Art Room.

This one was my favorite.

What I wouldn't give for a room with linoleum floors and great lighting where I could set Josie free with all the glitter and paint her little heart desired!

And boy, do these girls like glitter!

I could watch her concentrate all day.

We paid $5 for the kids to play and it was worth every cent.

I hope it doesn't get discovered. I loved that nothing was crowded.

When 12 Noon rolled round we were treated to Sparkling Grape Juice, Cupcakes, Popcorn and all the noise makers we wanted.

Which I wanted zero of and was sneaky enough to "forget" Josie's on the way out!

"Cheers to 2010!"

Then we counted down and rang in (12 hours early) the new year!

I will be fast asleep when we actually ended 2009.

Oh well! Maybe next year we'll make it to midnight!